Being his mommy

(My fave phone pics from his first month)

I keep typing and deleting over and over. I don't even know where to begin. There are so many things I want to explain, feelings I want to express, and moments I want to document, but I can't. I can't put into words the joy I have felt from being a mother and the happiness that Hudson has brought to my life. He is the light of my life. The past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions. The best one ever. They have been the most sweet, wonderful, exhausting, and precious months of my life. I thank Heavenly Father every day for giving me the opportunity to be a mother and for letting me care for one of His sweetest spirits. I can't imagine my life without my baby boy. Here are a few of my favorite things about being a mommy over the past 11 weeks:

-The middle of the night feedings. I know you are thinking yeah right. I'm talking about the part when Hudson has fallen asleep mid feed and I'm laying there next to my sleeping husband and cuddling my sweet sleeping heavy breathing baby in the dark and just listening. Just listening and feeling so lucky to have these two and to be their wife and their mommy. There is nothing better.

-This one day, I was having such a hard time consoling Hudson. He struggled with some reflux and colic and this was a bad day. I was almost in tears because I could not get him to stop crying and I felt awful. Clay had been gone all day and it was just me and my screaming baby. I decided to put him down on his changing table (he loves his changing table usually) and he gave me this big grin. I melted. It made everything okay. I am pretty sure he screamed after, but that smile made it okay. I knew that he knew that I loved him and that I was doing my best. I love his smiles. Nothing makes me happier! 

-Mornings. Hudson has been SO happy in the mornings lately. If he wakes up before he is really really hungry, I'll look down at him and smile and he will give me the sweetest biggest grin! He'll kind of give me this shy smile and turn to the side. Sweetest thing ever!

-Bath time. He loves it and is so calm and stares at me the entire time. And his rolls just kill me! I love wrapping him up in his little hooded towels and just giving him lots of cuddles. It's the best!

-Bedtime. Before I put his jammies on I love to hold him with just his diaper on. He feels so good and has the softest skin ever! We have started reading him bedtime stories and he loves it!

-Seeing Clay be a daddy. He is so good with Hudson and talks so sweetly to him. He does so much to help me. Some mornings when he doesn't have school or his internship, he'll take Hudson and let me have a couple more hours of sleep. I love to hear him playing and talking to Hudson. He is the best dad! 

-Hudson's sounds. Oh my gosh. I love all of coos and "talking." "A-goo" is my favorite! He also makes the cutest sounds when he is nursing. Sometimes he laughs in his sleep while he is napping, but the past couple of nights, he starts laughing when I am taking his clothes off! So so cute. I think his pits are ticklish. 

I have such a hard time not being sad that he is growing and changing so much. He is getting so big and learns new things every day. He is not a newborn anymore and that sometimes breaks my heart, but at the same time I'm so excited to see his personality grow more and more! I love being his mommy.